99 Percent
by KingoftheU
Summary: War is 99 percent boredom and 1 percent terror. Carol, Tony, Steve, and Rocket pass some time before a battle.


Someone once said war is 99% Boredom and 1% Terror. Tony had never found that to be true, because when the physical terror was over, the psychological terror of dread entered. All that said he was bored. And he was pretty sure everyone else was as well.

Scott, who was way funnier then he had anticipated, was off doing something Quantum with Bruce. Thor and Rhodey were off finding some ancient mystic on some planet somewhere. Everyone else was on Xandar doing something that the Racoon thought was very important but no one else did. So that left the four of them. Tony, Steve, Rocket and this Captain Marvel lady. Camping on a cliff on some planet in sector who gives a fuck. Just waiting for everyone else to get their ducks in a row, and for the plan to start.

He hated it. He hated it so much. He was Tony Stark. He was Iron Man. He should be doing something. Not looking over a pretty but unchanging alien sky.

"So, you're the actual 1940's Captain America?" Marvel asked. They were sitting around in a spaceship she'd commandeered and staring at each other. Rocket was off taking a leak. He looked at Steve. Maybe he'd do something to break the silence. Maybe not.

"Yeah." Steve said, looking to the ground. "Alive and well." Good old survivor's guilt. A staple of superheroing. (Was that a word? Was it in the dictionary? If it wasn't Tony made a mental note to make a generous donation to Oxford to make sure it was.)

"So, when you were declared undead, did you have to do a lot of paperwork?" She asked. Awkward small talk to make, but Tony had dealt with worse at galas before. He flashed a grin.

"Why? Did it happen to you?" He asked cheekily, grinning over at Captain Marvel.

"Yes," she said. "Well, not being declared undead, but the being declared dead part? Totally." Huh. Well, he hadn't actually known her all that long.

"You could do some share and compare!" He said brightly. "Swap tips for avoiding actually dying!" Anything to get their minds off the possibility that they might actually be dying soon. Steve gave a great big sigh.

"Tony…" he said in that tired and annoyed voice he reserved exclusively for Stark. Tony waved him off. Everyone on earth knew the story already, why not this alien lady?

"Big plane, glowy blue stuff on plane, has to stop the bad guys from using glowy blue stuff, that basically it, right Steve?" Tony said. Steve sighed again and shook his head. Captain Marvel's expression shifted though. From intensely focused to confused. At least it was something new.

"That's…" she trailed off for a bit, apparently unsure of what to say. "Oddly similar to my story actually." She gave a small smile. Tony spread his hands a bit, victory. He gave a grin.

"Tesseract power am I right? So unreliable." Now she went back to pure confusion. She turned all the way over to look at Steve.

"The plane you were on was Tesseract powered?" She asked him.

"Yeah." She looked between the two of them rapidly.

"So was mine," she said. Steve looked up at her. For the first time he seemed engaged in the conversation. Tony also suddenly became more interested, this was far more than small talk now.

"When was it?"

"1980s." She said. Tony and Steve looked at each other.

"So Fury and Friends already had the Tesseract, must have been earlier versions of Phase 2…" Tony started. Carol immediately interrupted.

"No he didn't, I gave it to him." Tony and Steve's head were going to get tired soon at this rate, as they whipped back to Carol. Tony shook his head.

"Why would you do that? Fury wa...is untrustworthy, he's a liar, he was the head of an international spy organization that makes the CIA look like a PTA meeting, I don't think he's ever had a smile on his face, he's just an asshole." Tony said.

"I wouldn't trust him as far as Tony could throw him without a suit." Steve interjected. Tony was about to make a huffy retort when Captain Marvel...smiled?

"Have you ever seen him near a cat?" Steve raised his eyebrows.

"He likes cats?" Steve asked, with what was dangerously close to an actual smile on his face. Juicy Gossip and the freedom from boredom it brought? A great moment for Tony Stark, thought Tony.

"Well, he did a while back he might not after, well, you know…" She trailed off. However Tony did not know. And he desperately, desperately, wanted to know what might make Nick Fury turn his back on cats. He leaned forward in his seat, and so did Steve. Captain Marvel grinned and tapped her left eye. Steve began to chuckle. Tony roared with laughter and fell back into his seat, clapping his hands.

"A cat?" He snickered. "His eye?" He cackled. "The secret of his secrets!" He chortled. Steve was looking back at the floor again, but this time he was laughing uncontrollably.

"If you ever have him over for dinner," Captain Marvel. "Cut him some diagonal toast." More uproarious laughter from Tony and Steve. Tony leaned towards Captain Marvel.

"Tony Stark." He offered his hand, and she shook it.

"Carol Danvers." Suddenly the shuttle door hissed open. Rocket Racoon stepped in, adjusting his belt, and looking as irritated as ever. Not that he ever didn't look irritated. Even the craziest of scientists couldn't make a racoon look cute.

"Why are you all laughing?" He demanded. This made every human burst out laughing even more. "What?" Carol stopped laughing for a moment to look at Racoon.

"Why did it take you like, 5 minutes to piss? You can't have a bladder larger than a grape." Tony and Steve started giggling again.

They were immediately treated to a rant that about how no one ever made fun of humans for their bathroom habits and how they were all buzzkills, just like the Nova Corps.

"You ever seen Nova Prime drunk?" Carol asked, out of the blue. Rocket turned.

"Nova Prime gets drunk?" He spluttered. "She has a huge rod up her ass!" Carol cocked her head to the side.

"You've met Nova Prime?" She asked. "When was that?" Rocket looked offended at some insinuation that this brought. Tony had no idea what that was, but he intended to find out.

"Sorry, but I've only been to Space twice, who is Nova Prime?" He asked.

"Head of the Nova Corps," Rocket declared. "An interstellar body dedicated to upholding the ideals of truth, justice and the Xandarian way, blah blah blah. So damn dull! You can't even do a bit of petty theft on Xandar with them around!" Tony turned to Steve.

"Sounds like your kinda person."

"She also makes a mean terp roast." Carol interjected, before turning towards Rocket. "When did you meet Nova Prime?"

"After we stopped Ronan." He said. Carol's face lit up and she started clapping excitedly.

"Were you at the dance off to save the universe?" She asked happily.


End file.
